My Therapist Wants Me to Try IFS… What is it?
Let’s understand “the parts.”
So, your therapist wants you to consider IFS. And you’re sitting there thinking, “hmmm… now WTF is that?” There’s a lot of terminology involved in IFS and it’s not uncommon to feel confused or overwhelmed by the approach. Let’s start by defining what it is. IFS, or Internal Family Systems therapy, is a unique approach to psychotherapy that views the mind as a system of different parts, each with its own unique personality, needs, and roles. It can often be used to address complex emotions, deepen self-understanding, and improve your relationships. IFS can be a powerful way to explore your inner world and cultivate greater peace and harmony within yourself.
Key Concepts in IFS
Parts: These are the distinct subpersonalities within you, each with their own feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Some common parts include:
Exiles: These are vulnerable parts that hold painful memories or emotions, often from childhood. They often feel young, vulnerable, and isolated.
Managers: These parts try to control your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to prevent Exiles from surfacing. They might push you to work hard, seek approval, or avoid certain situations.
Firefighters: These parts jump in to distract or numb you when Exiles or intense emotions threaten to overwhelm you. They might lead to impulsive, self-destructive behaviors or emotional outbursts.
Self: This is the core of your being, separate from your parts. It's often described as calm, compassionate, and wise. The goal of IFS is to help you access your Self and lead your internal system with understanding and compassion.
Polarization: When parts are in conflict with each other, it can create internal tension and distress. IFS aims to “unblend” these parts, meaning helping them to separate and express themselves individually.
Burden: Parts often carry burdens, such as shame, fear, or anger, that they've taken on from past experiences. IFS helps parts to release these burdens and heal.
Goals of IFS
To create harmony and balance within your internal family system.
To reduce internal conflict and self-criticism.
To increase self-compassion and acceptance.
To heal from past trauma and emotional wounds.
To improve relationships with yourself and others.
Enhanced ability to handle stress and challenges
How IFS Therapy Works
Internal exploration: You'll work with your therapist to identify and get to know your parts, their roles, and their motivations, without judgment or resistance.
Unblending: You'll consciously separate your core Self from the influence of your inner parts. By mastering this process, you can create greater harmony within your inner family and experience more peace, clarity, and resilience in your life.
Accessing the Self: You'll learn to tap into your Self, which can act as a compassionate leader and mediator for the parts.
Healing parts: You'll work to understand the origins of your parts' burdens (past traumas or negative beliefs) and help them release those burdens through acceptance and compassion.
Who is Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy for?
IFS can be beneficial for a wide range of individuals, but it's particularly well-suited for people who…
Struggle with complex emotional issues:
Trauma (including PTSD and complex trauma)
Depression
Anxiety
Eating disorders
Addiction
Relationship difficulties
Low self-esteem
Chronic pain
Seek a deeper understanding of themselves:
IFS offers a unique way to explore your inner world, understand your emotions, and make sense of your experiences.
It can help you identify and heal from past hurts, leading to greater self-compassion and acceptance.
Want to improve their relationships:
By understanding your own parts and the parts of others, IFS can help you communicate more effectively, build trust, and navigate conflict in a more healthy way.
It can lead to stronger bonds with family, friends, and romantic partners.
How to navigate the IFS conversation with your therapist
Your therapist is likely recommending IFS because they believe it's the best approach to address your specific needs and goals. They've probably seen the benefits of IFS in their practice and believe it can be helpful for you. Ultimately, the best way to understand why your therapist recommends IFS is to ask them directly.
Here are some questions you can ask your therapist:
What led you to recommend IFS for me?
How do you think IFS can help me address my specific concerns?
What can I expect from IFS therapy?
Are there any other approaches we could consider?
It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your therapist to ensure you feel comfortable and confident about the chosen approach. Keep in mind, IFS can be an emotionally challenging therapy, so it's important to feel comfortable with your therapist and the approach. IFS is a journey of self-discovery and requires commitment and openness. Remember, IFS is a powerful tool for personal growth and healing, but it's not the only option. It's important to discuss your concerns and preferences with your therapist to ensure you find the approach that best suits you.
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